True story.

I was pulling into the driveway a couple days ago when I saw a dead crow lying on the front lawn. It was buzzing with flies and looked disgusting. Huh. A dead crow. I didn’t really care – the crows drive me nuts in the mornings with their incessant cawing, so one less was a good thing. I briefly wondered if Puddy might have killed it, then rolled my eyes at my stupid optimism – my cat can’t catch anything bigger than a cockroach or a lizard. The birds have started sitting on the wall, screeching at Puddy while she crouches hopelessly in the grass, barking up at them. It’s tragic.

I went inside and informed Phill of the body on the lawn and asked him if Puddy was outside. He said no, but she had been out earlier. I said maybe Puddy had killed it and he just gave me a look as if I was stupid.

The crow stayed there for a day. I wasn’t touching it. I figured I’d force Phill to put it in the wheelie bin on the morning of bin day, so it would be taken away quickly. I assume dead crow in a hot wheelie bin would equal a very bad smell. I felt a bit awkward knowing everyone could see our dead crow because it’s not the most pleasant sight (bad omen anyone?) but there was no way on earth I would be touching it.

The night before the bin man was due to come, I wheeled the bins out to the curb, stepping carefully to avoid the carcass. It was so dark I couldn’t even see the crow. No, wait … it was gone.

Someone stole my dead crow.

There was absolutely no sign of it anywhere. It hadn’t been kicked into the bush or dragged away by Puddy since I hadn’t let her outside for fear that she’d start eating it or something and heaven knows what sort of disease it’s carrying. The only evidence at the scene was a small, leafy branch that had been pulled off the bush.

I have two theories:

1. The crows ate it. Crows are gross birds and I assume they wouldn’t think twice about munching down on one of their own.

2. A human ate took it. Maybe the kids down the road wanted to play with it, or someone was so sick of looking at it they took it away? Maybe they used the branch to push the body into a box?

I’m not fussed. In fact, I’m thrilled (and so was Phill). It meant we didn’t have to deal with it. It was a big crow and I was really not looking forward to having to dispose of the body. I never found out how it died and I never found out where it went, but all I know is it’s gone and the cat is allowed outside again.

Ahh, I’ve been so crazy busy lately, I’ve been pretty much non-existant on here! The stuff that’s been stressing me out is stuff I don’t talk about on here (work mostly) so I can’t even come on here and vent (but that’s probably a good thing!). I guess Phill has to put up with my crazy mood swings and outbursts – you guys get to avoid that!

So… what’s been going on?

Tonight I am cooking prawns for the first time. Haha, yes I am so excited (I was thinking about it when I was at work, wondering how it will taste). I bought a can of evaporated milk at my last shopping expedition and the recipe on the back of it sounded delicious. I knew I had some raw peeled prawns in the freezer from a few months back when I gathered the courage to buy some (but not actually cook them!) so I figured now was the time to use the recipe and get them eaten! It’s an asparagus, snow pea and prawn fettucini – sounds delicious, but we’ll just have to wait and see. I’m always a little worried when I cook prawns because I’m scared I’ll either undercook or overcook them!

Well, Phill is home, it’s time to start dinner. Fingers crossed!

(compiled by Dee from Downunder)

1. Been dive bombed by a magpie
Yup – and I happened to look up just as it opened its claws and tried to claw my eyes out! I was actually walking a friend’s puppy and thought the magpie was going to grab it and fly off with it, the puppy was so small and the magpie was so big!

2. Have seen a crocodile
Yes, numerous times. I’ve actually swam in a crocodile-infested lake without knowing it! I was swimming with some friends at a BBQ when suddenly someone spotted a sign warning there were crocodiles! We were out of there in an instant, haha!

3. Have seen a snake in the wild
Yup – I’ve seen them in the wild and also in my backyard! My friends and I were going down a gravelly hill on our backsides (it’s a long story but it was a popular thing to do back then!) and suddenly one friend screamed “SNAKE!!” and there was a snake right near the trail. The one I saw in my backyard was a little brown snake. Our neighbour killed it by chopping off its head with an axe.

4. Been bitten by a snake or other aussie wildlife
I don’t think so… I usually don’t get close enough to get bitten!

5. Patted a koala
Only at the zoo. Their fingernails are so sharp!

6. Seen a kangaroo in the wild
Yup, many times. When I lived at home, my family and I would go for walks to what we called “Kangaroo Island” which was an area of bush that housed quite a lot of kangaroos and wallabys. Not sure why we called it Kangeroo Island since it wasn’t an island.

7. Climbed the Sydney Harbour Bridge
No, I looked into it a year or so ago as an anniversary thing with Phill, but it was bloody expensive and I couldn’t justify spending that sort of money! (Cheapest adult price during non-peak period is $188 each)

8. Climbed the Story Bridge in Brisbane
Nope, don’t really want to. It’s only Brisbane, haha.

9. Visited the Sydney Opera House
Yes, got the tour. It’s a very beautiful place and so strange at the same time!

10. Swum at the beach
Yes, but I’m not a huge beach fan, since I always get sunburned and I don’t really like the ocean. My favourite thing to do at the beach is take a picnic (and Phill!) and sit up in the shade amongst the trees. Not really “on the beach” but close to!

11. Had fish and chips on the beach
Yes, of course!

12. Been stung by a jellyfish
No, but I’ve been stung by seaweed! Hurt like a beeyach!

13. Had sunburn that peeled
Oh yes, it was terrible. I try not to get sunburned since three out of my five family members have had some sort of skin cancer (melanoma). Sort of hits home that getting sunburnt is NOT a good idea!

14. Camped under the stars
Yes, I’ve done a bit of camping. I’m not an avid camper but I do enjoy the odd weekend trip. As long as the toilets aren’t those composting ones, I’m okay. I’m not exactly what you would call a bush-basher.

15. Visited Uluru
Hmm… I think I have? When I was little, on a family holiday?

16. Driven the Great Ocean Road in Victoria
No, I don’t think so?

17. Seen the penguins on Phillip Island Victoria
Yes, they were so cute! Gosh that was AGES ago, when I was little and innocent!

18. Had an outdoor BBQ with Friends
Oh yes, definitely! I think most Australians would have to say yes to this surely? It’s interesting though – the question sort of implies that others might have had an INDOOR BBQ… I wonder how that would have gone down, with the smoke and everything!

19. Played backyard/beach Cricket
Yes and yes. I used to always want to bat and as soon as I got out, I’d chuck a tanty and run off. I was a great team player.

20. Watched a real cricket match live
Yes, I went to a 20/20 with Phill and some friends. I enjoy 20/20 because it’s faster – I hate the games that span a few days, soooo boring. I’m not a huge sports fan – I need to take a good book with me!

21. Betted on the Melbourne Cup
No, I don’t gamble.

22. Attended the Melbourne Cup Live from Flemington
Nope, didn’t even realise it was on the other day until someone mentioned it.

23. Attended a live Aussie Rules or rugby football game
Yes, once.

24. Ridden a Melbourne Tram
Hmm, no I don’t think so? Possibly when I was little travelling around Australia with my family.

25. Snow Skied in the “high country” of NSW/Vic
Haha, no, I don’t ski! Remember when I broke a couple ribs snowboarding in Japan? Yeah … I suck.

26. Visited the Great Barrier Reef
I don’t think so…

27. Been to Kakadu
No, I don’t think so.

28. Crossed the Nullabour by road
Nope, I don’t think I’ve been to the NT at all.

29. Gone down the Murray River on a paddle steamer
Nope.

30. Survived a cyclone
We’ve had our fair share of cyclones and never had any major damage. I remember running around the house, taping up the windows so they wouldn’t shatter. It’s not a nice experience but we were lucky that our cyclones were never too bad.

31. Survived a bushfire
I don’t think I’ve ever been close enough to a bushfire to be able to claim I “survived” it, but I’ve seen bushfires. They are quite common, especially during the hot seasons.

32. Experienced a big flood
Had quite a few “little” floods but nothing too crazy.

33. Know who the Wiggles are.
Yes, I don’t think you have to be Aussie to know this… aren’t they internationally famous?

34. Know who Humphrey the Bear is.
Ahh, the bear with no pants! Yup I knew Humphrey but he wasn’t my favourite childhood character – that would be Fat Cat, which got cancelled because he was gay or something.

35. Watched Play School as a kid or mum of a kid
Yup, grew up with Play School. The hosts were so much better back then!

36. Watched Skippy the Bush Kangaroo
Haha, yes.

37. Own an Australia Flag
I don’t think so? I have Australian flag clothing, but not an actual flag.

38. Know the words to Advance Australia Fair
Yes, but not all the verses. I’ve sung them all before but I don’t have them memorised.

39. Eat Vegemite
Yes, it’s especially good for hangovers or when you need a little more iron. I haven’t tried the new cheesy vegemite flavour and have no intention of doing so – you can’t beat the original vegemite!

40. Drink Milo
Yes, I love Milo – but I hate it sprinkled on ice-cream! It’s so weird!

41. Know what lamingtons are
Yes, I’ve eaten lamingtons. I’m torn – they’re nice but I’m not a huge fan of coconut, so I’ve got to be in the mood for them.

42. Know what Pavlova is
Yup, I love pavlova, but it’s got to be hard on the outside and gooey soft on the inside. I don’t eat it with cream generally because I am allergic to cream. I usually replace the cream with ice-cream, yum! A side note: Isn’t this a bit of a controversial question, since both Australia and New Zealand claim the pavlova as their own!

43. Know what Tim Tams are
Yes, of course! You can’t beat the original Tim Tam, or the double-coat ones.

44. Eaten a meat pie
Yes. How do you eat a meat pie? I eat the top first, then add tomato sauce to the meat mixture, then scoop out the meat with a teaspoon and eat that, and then eat the pastry “bowl” that’s left! Yum!

45. Gave or received a “dead arm”
Is this like an Indian burn?

46. Have owned an Akubra hat
Hell no! I’m not a cowgirl.

47. Own/owned an Australia Cattle dog
No. I’d love to own an Australian cattle dog, but since I don’t live on a farm where the dog would have room to run and chase things, I’d feel bad.

48. Been to a B& S ball – or know what one is –
Don’t think I know what that is.

49. Drive a ute
Nope, I have a functional car for the city.

50. Say G’day
Not really. I think that’s more Okka than I am.

51. Can cook damper
Yes, either in the stove or over a fire, or in a fire pit.

52. Can make billy tea
Haha once at primary school when we were visited by a swagman!

53. Supported a sausage sizzle
No, generally not. I hate sausages, bleh. Funnily enough, most sausage sizzles I stumble across aren’t for charity or in the name of “need” – they are just to raise more money for big businesses!

54. Own John Williamson CD/Music
No.

55. Owned backyard chooks or know what chooks are
Nope, but a friend of mine does! Chooks freak me out.

56. Call the toilet “the dunny”
No – once again that’s more Okka than I am.

57 . Wear thongs (on your feet…)
Yes, I pretty much live in thongs!

58. Support Aussie music
Yes. Some of my favourite artists are Katie Noonan and Kate Miller-Heidke and no, not just because they have the same name as me!

59. Enjoy a beer
No I don’t drink beer.

60.Swallowed a fly
Haha yes, and it was gross and quite painful!

So… how Aussie are YOU? Non-Aussies, feel free to take the quiz – you never know, you might be more Aussie than you think you are! heh! If you decide to give it a shot, let me know so I can check out your answers!

Yes, I totally stole the title from Alyndabear but it’s just so perfect for this post I had to have it! You see, I’ve been spending some time in my stats (not as exciting as it might sound) and the search terms and phrases people have used to get to my blog have just been so amusing, I had to share them with you. It’s been a while since I’ve done a post like this, so I’m overdue anyway. So, here we go…

cat is scared of shaver what do i do?
Your cat is intelligent. Your cat has associated the noise of the shaver with the loss of fur and that, my friend, is why your cat is scared and no doubt freaks out and runs away when you whir it to life. How about not turning on the shaver around your cat and if you’re shaving your cat, leave it to the professionals.

what was “junket”?
A nightmare and disgusting blob of nothingness. Read about my (failed) experience with Junket here.

knock out a cat to give it a bath
Holy crap! If you’re considering knocking out your cat in order to bathe it, then you’re not doing it right and you shouldn’t be doing it at all! If you want your cat bathed, take it to a professional because obviously this is one skill you’ve not quite mastered yet.

signs your hard drive is dying?
This one’s a popular question. My hard drive died and took my entire blog with it, making me start again afresh (it SUCKED!) and the only signs I noticed, as a non-computer-literate-person, was that my laptop was getting very very slow. Like, I could go downstairs and make myself a cup of tea and a loaf of bread in the time between pressing the power button and the laptop being usable.

“i drive barefoot”
Me too! I literally cannot drive with shoes on. If I go out in joggers I have to take them off to drive and then put them back on. I can drive in socks but no shoes.

how do garden snails poop
You know what? I’ve never really thought about this. I guess they do it like every other thing that poops – it comes out of their butt. Wait … do snails have butts?

my long haired cat keeps losing his fur
Did you look the last place he had it? Hahaha… I crack myself up! Cats lose their fur, it’s called shedding and it SUCKS big time, especially when you have cream carpet and a black cat, but it’s a fact of life you’ve just got to get used to. Brushing your cat daily helps reduce the amount of fur being shedded, but you could brush all day and still keep getting more hair on the brush (and probably bite marks on your face from an angry cat).

harry and the halfblood priss
I have nothing to comment on this one… it just made me giggle. I pictured Snape in a dress being all prissy because then he would be the half blood priss, not the half blood prince!

Ok that’s me done. What sort of search terms do you get at your blog? Amusing? Freaky? Or just plain weird?