byootaful

True story.

I was pulling into the driveway a couple days ago when I saw a dead crow lying on the front lawn. It was buzzing with flies and looked disgusting. Huh. A dead crow. I didn’t really care – the crows drive me nuts in the mornings with their incessant cawing, so one less was a good thing. I briefly wondered if Puddy might have killed it, then rolled my eyes at my stupid optimism – my cat can’t catch anything bigger than a cockroach or a lizard. The birds have started sitting on the wall, screeching at Puddy while she crouches hopelessly in the grass, barking up at them. It’s tragic.

I went inside and informed Phill of the body on the lawn and asked him if Puddy was outside. He said no, but she had been out earlier. I said maybe Puddy had killed it and he just gave me a look as if I was stupid.

The crow stayed there for a day. I wasn’t touching it. I figured I’d force Phill to put it in the wheelie bin on the morning of bin day, so it would be taken away quickly. I assume dead crow in a hot wheelie bin would equal a very bad smell. I felt a bit awkward knowing everyone could see our dead crow because it’s not the most pleasant sight (bad omen anyone?) but there was no way on earth I would be touching it.

The night before the bin man was due to come, I wheeled the bins out to the curb, stepping carefully to avoid the carcass. It was so dark I couldn’t even see the crow. No, wait … it was gone.

Someone stole my dead crow.

There was absolutely no sign of it anywhere. It hadn’t been kicked into the bush or dragged away by Puddy since I hadn’t let her outside for fear that she’d start eating it or something and heaven knows what sort of disease it’s carrying. The only evidence at the scene was a small, leafy branch that had been pulled off the bush.

I have two theories:

1. The crows ate it. Crows are gross birds and I assume they wouldn’t think twice about munching down on one of their own.

2. A human ate took it. Maybe the kids down the road wanted to play with it, or someone was so sick of looking at it they took it away? Maybe they used the branch to push the body into a box?

I’m not fussed. In fact, I’m thrilled (and so was Phill). It meant we didn’t have to deal with it. It was a big crow and I was really not looking forward to having to dispose of the body. I never found out how it died and I never found out where it went, but all I know is it’s gone and the cat is allowed outside again.