Tonight I am going out with some friends for a night of karaoke and gossip.

What’s the big deal, you might ask? Well, to me, this is a huge deal. I am not what you might call a “socialiser”. I don’t have a huge group of friends and the friends I do have don’t live close to me, so when we talk, it’s usually over msn or facebook so get-togethers are extremely rare. Phill thinks I don’t have many friends because I hate people, but that’s not true! I grew up a very independent person – I was never the girl who needed someone else to accompany her to the bathroom in order to gossip and giggle, and I had no problem eating lunch by myself while enjoying a good book. Attending three different high schools didn’t help either – I didn’t get that time to really get to know a group of girls, to form life-long friendships.

Phill is the opposite. He’s got heaps of friends, he’s the life of the party and I must admit, when we first started dating, it was a little intimidating for me. He was going out very often, getting phone calls all the time, was still in touch with friends from high school – all of this entirely alien to me! I managed to get out of most of the socialisation with him and his friends because I didn’t know his friends very well and I hate feeling awkward and outside my comfort zone. I guess I simply didn’t really know how to be social – what to wear, what to do, what to bring, what to talk about – I had no idea and it was easier to stay at home than try to figure it all out!

Then, I had a moment while watching the Sex and the City movie. Yes, I know… lame, but honestly? I did have a moment. An epiphany. An eye-opener.

I realised with an odd surge of jealousy and sadness that I didn’t have a Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha to sit with me at lunch while we picked at salads and discussed our sex lives. I realised that, yes, I was a loner, but I was a fake loner! I was a loner only because I was too intimidated to go out there and socialise, not because I wanted to be one! I realised if I wanted friends, I needed to change. The first step? Saying “yes” to a night out … and no last-minute chickening out!

So I gradually started to be more social, accepting invites and it’s definitely made me a different person. All of a sudden I have a life, I have friends (!!) and I have memories of good nights, great lunches and fabulous dinners. I got to know people who at first intimidated me and I’ve come to realise that they are really nice people! I explained that all that time I spent dodging invites wasn’t because of them, it was because of me. They couldn’t imagine why I was so nervous to socialise with them, but they were just glad I’d finally decided to give it a try.

I’m not completely confident yet though. When I accepted the invitation to go out tonight, I still hesitated, since there would be girls there who I’d never met before. I hate to feel awkward, to not know what to say or do, not know what to bring, but I decided to put my foot down, suck it up and go out.

And you know what? It’s going to be a damn good night!